So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
