Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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