you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
