He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
