Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
