Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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