seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Randomize
