Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
