just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
