it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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