so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
