i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
