I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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