Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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