Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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