I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You may now shotgun with the bride
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
