Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
