the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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