remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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