bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
