Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
