why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He better not be in your backpack
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
