Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
