Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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