Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
