Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
