Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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