I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
