If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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