I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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