Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
