I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
