i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
