Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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