did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
