if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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