...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
