the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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