The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
