He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
