yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize