in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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