True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
