Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize