party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My cat gives me a boner
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
