I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
