I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
