i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
