maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
