I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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