If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
