I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
