she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
