Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
