shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
