need another drink. this is the easiest way
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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