Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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