Screwed.edu
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
