Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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