Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
