sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
this boner is exhausting
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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