I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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