so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
