im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
