once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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