Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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