When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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