Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She's the barista slut.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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