I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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