So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
