her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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